6/21/2005
movie reviews
Saw five movies over the summer. Some were worth it, some were blah. Here they are in the order I saw them.
-----
Guess Who
Was laughing out at the general humour and the sports jokes and references. Then they had to bring out that NASCAR joke.
Obviously, there was something wrong when Ashton Kutcher’s character mentioned 'Jay Gordon'. I didn’t get it first. Later Bernie Mac's character corrected him and told him its Jeff Gordon.
There ya go. Yeah, they should have done hockey instead. Sorry, I'm not a NASCAR follower. Burn me to death.
Earlier the year I saw Meet the Fockers and I saw a lot of similarity between the two. I told myself, is there a formula for this kind of comedy sub-genre?
I mean a girl or guy or his/her parents meet the parents of his/her partner, some humour or references to some weird behaviour of the latter old folk, some minor conflict of not getting along together, some slapstick antics of at least trying to have some harmony, then it reaches to a crescendo when either of the young couple would do something incriminating, some shouting then running away, then some tears, then some words of advice being thrown back and forth, then they get back, then the two families live happily ever after.
Finally, cap it off with some two-bit joke before the credits roll. Or maybe a song and dance number or a wedding reception. Isn’t that the same endings we had in late 80s-early 90s Filipino movies?
To compare, I watched my mom’s VCD of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, the original version. This was made during the 60s when racial discussions were tense and emotional. So this movie most likely raised a lot of eyebrows back then.
Knowing where they came from, they have to consciously make a serious movie out of it since that topic is no laughing matter back then. That’s why the current version has a lighter tone since things like these (except for the hardcore traditional Chinese, I think), aren’t a big deal anymore. Yes, they’re making a deal out of nothing and they produced a satire out of a non-issue, make fun of it, and base it on a well-made classic.
Other than that, they were breaking taboos left and right with the Sidney Poitier original. They met in Hawaii, and the next week, they were planning to get married. It doesn’t need a rocket scientist that the parents from both sides didn’t take this sitting down.
On the other hand, Ashton and his girlfriend were having a more ‘traditional’ long-term relationship and they were going to her parent’s place to ask for their approval. Do they still do that back in the States in current time? The last time I heard, Glen was getting married and he just the girl last February.
Actually, all of this was just an afterthought. But right out of the cinema, I gave it a flat-out 3.5 for the all-around humour, just in time to recall that Ashton Kutcher IS a comedian and was a product of That 70’s Show before he became Demi Moore’s new item.
What does Demi have that Amanda Peet, Ashton’s partner in It’s All About Love, doesn’t have?
Anyway, if you missed this, there’s still Jane Fonda out to make JLo’s life a miserable hell in Monster-in-Law. You might see some similar similarities.
Lasallian grading system: 3.5 out of a possible 4.0
Props: General humour and sports jokes and references.
Rants: Formulaic ‘family’ comedy right out of the Hollywood mass production factory. Willy Wonka’s chocolates in his factory must be better. Am waiting for it. Hmmm…
-----
Six
After the Ring, every other Asian thriller movie looked the same. They show the scary parts in trailers, killing half the suspense, then you have the resident long-haired lady in white either crawling using her long yellow nails as leverage or just standing there like a mannequin doing nothing but still elicits screams from the actors.
Since Six wasn’t that publicized and there was no other good movie in the SM Centerpoint cinemas, I gave this Thai thriller a chance. Although, I had to contend myself with some probable Buddhist beliefs and traditions that I may not reckon after seeing them light those thin red sticks. What do you call them again?
In the end, it’s less of a scary movie and more of a who-dunnit caper. It’s more like The Gwapings Adventure meets Bahay ni Lola. That is the most I could describe what it’s about without spilling the beans.
Now I couldn’t recall why I gave it a 3.0. Should have been lower given another case. I must be in the good mood back then. The ending just befuddled me. Thus, the low, and should be lower score.
Again, another thriller, that in trying its hard to have a decent story as foundation, made you think of how the sequence of events occurred instead of being scared out of your wits.
Lasallian grading system: 3.0 out of a possible 4.0
Props: Nothing in general. The scare factor wasn’t there, and I was watching this by myself, something I don’t usually do unless it’s on cable tv. The female lead looked nice though.
Rants: The ending that scared me, not because it was scary, but because it made my head bleed as to what and how it happened.
-----
Madagascar
It was 5-ish and I just missed the screening of Stars Wars Episode III, the primary reason why I was there. To pass the time, I contented myself with some Madagascar. But I had some reservations in seeing this.
Dreamworks’ previous animated release, Shark’s Tale, although good in general, scarred me. Kuya Ariel’s take on the movie wasn’t on the good side, especially its artistic aspect. He said, it’s okay to have references, but for the fish to actually look like the actors that voice them? It’s so… unreal. I respect him and I take his comments in high esteem since he’s an artist himself.
Now, you know where I got the apprehensions. Sorry, Kuya A.
I first saw its trailer before Shark’s Tale was screened so I know what I was getting into waaay before. Fortunately, the giraffe didn’t in any way look like David Schwimmer or Gloria the hippo doesn’t resemble Jada Pinkett-Smith. Hubby Will would complain.
Just like Shark’s Tale, its trailer had heavy airtime on tv, especially on kid channels. There were the penguins that intrigued me. Then there’s this dance tune that I used to hate that some lemurs are partying to. I had to give in to all the brainwash and propaganda.
In G4, they post the synopses of all the featured movies just in front of the ticket booth. So as to help me decide on what to watch (besides considering their screening time), I decided to give a peek. I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m knowing too much. Those who know me know how I could kill a person from a kilometer away who tries to spoil a movie I plan to see.
And just before I was about to enter Madagascar, the G4 cinema jock blared on what to expect from the animation. Uh, enough! Time to get in the theater!
That was a relief. Guess what the in-between screening music was. Fatboy Slim’s Bird of Prey and some other electronica music, a sign of good things.
A side comment, is it just me or does Dreamworks has its own OBB for its animated releases?
Since this followed up Shark’s Tale, I was expecting a lot. At the ticket booth, I read in the synopsis that it was Rock who voiced Marty the zebra. I was trying to figure out who the Rock they were referring to. They got The Rock to voice a cartoon character? That’s cool.
When the opening credits rolled, I found out it was Cris Rock. Silly me. If it was Dwayne Johnson, I should have heard a skit of The Hurricane making fun of The Rock voicing a zebra in an animated movie.
Rock, with his racial slurs of a repertoire, was unusually controlled this time around. The only and closest racial reference he had was when he asked loudly if he was a black with stripes or he was a white with black stripes. Oh yeah, I shouldn’t be giving away the punchlines. Punch me, please.
Going back to the penguins, they are what you might call the resident annoyingly cute characters. In Ice Age, they had the dodo bird and the reason why they became extinct and yes, the ‘doom on you’ chant. Then in Finding Nemo, they had this swallows that annoyed you with their ‘mine’ up to the point that you might actually end up screaming if you have weak a constitution. As for Shark’s Tale, I’m thinking, they are all pretty much annoying. Martin Scorcese’s blowfish might fit the role. He’s just there as color character for the shark mafia and the shark slayer’s “manager”.
The difference with the penguins though, is that they are annoyingly cute and annoyingly smart. They act as if they are out of out-of-place espionage movie. As they say in the teaser, it’s a ganged-up conspiracy. There lies the humour… and the irony. Who would have thought? And unlike the dodo birds and the swallows, they had airtime, lots of it. They are a centerpiece character and not just some one-time scene grabber. More like many-time scene stealers.
Now to that other annoying part, the I Like You to Move it song. I was quickly reminded on why I hated that song. Imagine this scenario. I was 12 years old, it was my first time to see a music video and that Chan girl was still a Channel [V] vj, back at a time when Channel [V] WAS or perceived to be MTV Asia.
And what visual and aural spectacle greeted my then not-so innocent eyes and ears? A black guy with a husky voice that keeps on saying he likes to move it with a matching video of a female belly gyrating. Yes, all the sexual innuendo was making me puke. If only I didn’t get to see the Counting Crows and Nirvana after that, I might have been traumatized for life.
But with Madagascar, they made me forgot why I hated that song in the first place. My belly was aching because I was forcing myself to stop laughing so that I could hear the dialogue.
Yes, there was humour left and right. I was in stitches. And it helped that I had a seatmate nearby that snickered at every scene. Maybe she knows more than I do.
Oh yeah, the story. There was nothing much to bank on, really, if you are after the fun factor. I mean with comedians Rock, Schwimmer, and Ben Stiller, what could go wrong? And Smith held her own, too. And oh yeah, Cedric the Entertainer was there also.
Anyway, it starts it out with Marty celebrating his tenth birthday, wanting to get more out of life, getting bored with the drab routine he has in the zoo. Rings a bell, actually.
When they did get to Madagascar, and I wouldn’t tell you how, the conflict shifts to Alex the lion’s primordial need for meat, which was literally served to him on a silver platter back in the zoo. And being the number one critic of Marty’s grand plan, he misses the good life back in New York. For a movie of laughs, it actually has a twist.
Speaking of Alex, were the creators of the movie watching some billiards lately? I mean Alex “The Lion” Pagulayan? Dosen’t ring a bell to you? Go watch the next World Pool Championships as he would defend the championship he won last year. Either that or they had Filipinos in the creative department? Or just plain coincidence? This needs confirmation. Ring me, anyone. Would gladly appreciate it.
Music, although canned, was splendid and witty. As par with the course, there are references everywhere. Did I see Tarzan and Lion King? I’m having too much fun to mind.
I just noticed this has become lengthy. I must have enjoyed it so much.
Went out of the cinema with ten minutes of Revenge of the Sith already gone. So was the time-killer for Episode III worth it? Yes, and much more. This is a touch act to follow. So brace yourselves, Star Wars, I’m going to your theater next.
Verdict (still using the grading system): 3.5
Props: The penguins did it. Plus the humour, too.
Rants: Light on story. Heavy on laughs, though (which isn’t exactly a rant).
-----
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
One-word comments I heard from satisfied fans: Good. Sith happens. Evil the Sith is.
Obviously, this revolves around Anakin Skywalker and his transition to Darth Vader and what the Sith has to do with it. For those who haven’t seen Episodes IV-VI, beware: spoilers abound. Hehehe…
I entered just in time to see Count Dukoo’s neck about to be turned to sisig. Must do some Star Wars flashback. Oh yeah, he was the Sith apprentice. But who is General Grevious? And why is Anakin buddy-buddy with the Chancellor? Did I miss that much during the ten minutes I was walking out of Madagascar and buying my Star Wars ticket?
I’m stumped, help me, please. Seriously. I don’t remember any Grevious from the second episode. All I remember is that the Republic had a war with Dukoo and his posse. So who is this robot with a respiratory problem not much different with Vader?
And why doesn’t the Republic Guard resemble each other if they are clones of Bobba Fett, or was it Bobba Fett Jr.?
That doesn’t matter anymore. Had to know how Anakin’s heel turn went. As presented in Episode II, Skywalker was trouble, confused, and arrogant. A ticking timebomb. A problem child. The Jedi’s Ron Artest. In short, a very volatile and unpredictable character. Combined with his untapped powers, they are potent ingredients to become a Darth Vader. But everybody knows that.
Now Lucas has to find a way that would allure Anakin to the Dark Side. Why kill, Amidala, of course. She has no roles to speak of in the next three episodes, anyway. It may sound simple and right out of the Hollywood must-have-conflicts-in-movies book.
But think of it this way. Anakin’s dilemma of saving his wife and being loyal to the Jedi is a level VI morality issue. Remember the problem of the poor man with the sick wife whose only cure is he has to steal the medicine from the drugstore because he couldn’t afford buying it? Would you stand by your principles even if it means someone dear to you would die because of your action… or inaction? I know I could put into good use what I learned in General Psychology.
That being said, George Lucas should pay me for trying to defend his lame plot conflict.
Now let’s go to the heel turn per se. As Mace Windu was about to be executioner to the Chancellor, Anakin does the all too familiar slash-to-the-wrist Jedi trick on Mace, and the next thing we see is Sidius giving Windu the electric chair.
All it took were a few one-line exchanges between Mace and Sidius on why he should or should not. After the Chancellor sends Samuel L. Jackson flying out of the room, we heard Hayden Christiansen blurting, “What have I done?” And all Ian McDormind replied was a reassuring, “You’re fulfilling your destiny.” The next thing we know Anakin is now rechristened as Darth Vader and kissing the Chancellor’s wrinkled toes.
Coming from someone who regularly watches WWE, Batista had a more developed transition going from resident Evolution bloke to World Heavyweight Champion. Now that I mentioned the Greek professional wrestler who has Filipino roots, Batista even delivers better lines than that. And he only has passable mic skills to speak of, pardon the pun.
That over and done with, Lucas now has to resolve Episode III and make sure of a smooth transition to A New Hope. Darth Vader has the asthma problem (if all your limbs get slashed and you get burned by lava in the process, who wouldn’t have trouble breathing afterwards?) and James Earl Jones’s baritone, check. The Death Star had a cameo, check. Chewbacca was properly introduced to the uninitiated. Organa, who now had lots of airtime and not just some faceless senator, gets to keep Leia, while Luke goes to Dune, este to Tatooine. Yoda goes on a long winter break while Obi Wan becomes a hermit with an imaginary dead Jedi Master in tow (Qui Gon ‘reincarnating’ is this episode’s plot twist akin to Luke and Leia finding out they were siblings in Episode VI. Genius, Lucas is, really).
End of story. Everybody goes home happy and relieved that they don’t have any loose ends to think about.
I understand Episode III ended in such a way, more like a resolution rather than a closure, because it is made to be that way, as mentioned above. Unlike Episode VI, which has a more definite and happy-ever-after conclusion. If watched chronologically, Sith is an able prequel to Star Wars 4.
Now that I’ve gone through the movie in chronological order, let’s nitpick it some more.
First of all, props goes to Lucas for ceasing his propensity of having an annoyingly un-cute character. Jar-jar Binks only had a cameo and didn’t have a dialogue! Yahoo! C3PO, although showing signs of his old IV-VI self, was toned down and contained. Finally, Lucas got it right on the last one.
For some strange reason, people hated Mace Windu in The Clone Wars. I surmise because he was trying to act much like a strict uncle to Anakin ‘disciplining’ him, thus the Padawan rebelling some more. In wrestling terms, he has become a tweener. He is a good guy, but he gets booed by the crowd.
Again, Lucas’ genius showed and might do good as a wrestling booker. As a fitting coup de grace, he gets killed by, who else but Anakin. This either swings the fans back to Jackson’s favour, or to those who really hate him say, “Good riddance.”
Your take on that one? As for me, no one disses Coach Carter and gets away with it. I dig Jackson, not Michael.
The Wookies, this episode’s Ewoks (I could go on with the parallelisms, really), were cute. But did I hear that right? A Wookie, who was swinging on a vine, did the Tarzan yell? Come on, Lucas. You could do better than that. You’re the franchise. You don’t do references. You get referenced… and spoofed. You just lost two respect points to me, which makes Scorcese overtake you on the number two slot in my all-time directors appreciation list.
Speaking of clichés, how many times have I heard someone scream a long, drawn “Noooo!” in this movie? How about in the whole series? Talk about ripping off yourself.
The scene transitions were still like out of a Powerpoint presentation, in tune with the others.
Is it just me or R2D2’s bleeps suddenly had ‘emotion’? I heard him whirring excitedly after going through the ride when the ship turned vertical before it was steadied back to its flight position. Then again when Anakin and Obi Wan tried to land the same ship.
I’m just going in random here…
Although the central characters here were the heels (Sidius and Vader), Yoda, although computer-generated most of the time, made sure his presence was still felt, especially during his fight scenes. But don’t those poses were a bit overdrawn this time? They were cute in Star Wars 2, but they were starting to appear like Erap or FPJ gaits after a round of punches with a gang of ten.
Speaking of swordfights, the Obi Wan-Anakin duel was one for the books, although anti-climactic. Then again, if Lucas made Obi Wan slash or pierce by then father Skywalker on the chest, how could we have a present-day Darth Vader? Besides, he himself claimed he couldn’t kill Anakin because he loves him. Eek, gay love. Hehehe…
I couldn’t keep up with all the ships used during the series. There’re the Wing Fighters, the X-Fighters, Y-Figthers. How about the one used in the opening sequence by Obi Wan and Anakin to penetrate Grevious’ fleeing ship?
Before I forget, got a continuity flaw to show you. Let us go back to the part when Mace was about to kill Sidius and they were on the window where it used to be. Windu just parried the Chancellor’s lightsaber away with the latter retreating to the corner and Mace’s saber pointed towards the neck of the Chancellor, having him pinned. Cut scene to Anakin entering the room, then cut scene back to a far shot of Mace approaching a frightened Chancellor. That just looked weird. Bad editing, Lucas.
Taken as a whole, this is more like the saga of two Jedis, and am not referring to the Skywalker family. Was mentioning Kenobi and Yoda. This basically tells the story of how the two Masters went wrong with one Skywalker and went right with the other one.
What I’m trying to say is that contrary to the general knowledge that this is a Skywalker six-ology, Obi Wan and Yoda should get top billing.
In a similar note, this is also where I believe Michael Crichton called it wrong with his Jurassic Park trilogy. He gave Grant, with his gung-ho Indiana Jones-like style lots of airtime, whereas relegating the more philosophical and witty Ian Malcolm, played by personal fave Jeff Goldblum, in the sidelight.
In the book, Grant barely survived or got killed, forgot which. On the other hand, Malcolm, getting high with the morphine injected to him, was talking about evolution going bad for about half a chapter. And he was doing most of the dialogue from there since everybody else that was pertinent to the story was dead, including the senile park director, which was shown leaving in a helicopter at the end of part one.
He did correct it in The Lost World, giving Goldblum the whole two hours while the kids and the park director get token appearances with nary a shadow from Grant. But what made it flop was it became a Godzilla rip-off when a real Hollywood Godzilla rip-off was on the works.
To finally correct his past mistakes, he again starred Grant in Park 3, which wasn’t based on any book he wrote, and was a total flop. A case of correcting a wrong with another wrong.
To end, I believe Yoda is a Lasallian. Put a smile on my face when Sidius referred to him as his “little green friend.” Guess who has the blue lightsaber: Anakin Skywalker.
PS, the spoiler of the century: moments after leaving the theater from Episode II, Oscar predicted that Sidius and the Chancellor was one and the same. His curt reply, “Obvious ba?”
Having this piece of information, I put it in the back of my mind. That was why I was all puzzled when the Jedis discovered that the Chancellor was Sidius. I was thinking in my head, “I thought they already knew and they were just waiting for the right time to entrap him?” Then came a reply from the same side of the brain, “Oh, it was just me who knew.”
Dumb.
Verdict: 3.5
Props: High grade out of respect for “the man”. A smooth resolution. Killer fight scenes. Splendid SFX. Yoda still rocks. And for all the other things he did right this time.
Rants: Bad editing, and ripping off everybody including himself.
-----
To follow:
Sin City
-----
Guess Who
Was laughing out at the general humour and the sports jokes and references. Then they had to bring out that NASCAR joke.
Obviously, there was something wrong when Ashton Kutcher’s character mentioned 'Jay Gordon'. I didn’t get it first. Later Bernie Mac's character corrected him and told him its Jeff Gordon.
There ya go. Yeah, they should have done hockey instead. Sorry, I'm not a NASCAR follower. Burn me to death.
Earlier the year I saw Meet the Fockers and I saw a lot of similarity between the two. I told myself, is there a formula for this kind of comedy sub-genre?
I mean a girl or guy or his/her parents meet the parents of his/her partner, some humour or references to some weird behaviour of the latter old folk, some minor conflict of not getting along together, some slapstick antics of at least trying to have some harmony, then it reaches to a crescendo when either of the young couple would do something incriminating, some shouting then running away, then some tears, then some words of advice being thrown back and forth, then they get back, then the two families live happily ever after.
Finally, cap it off with some two-bit joke before the credits roll. Or maybe a song and dance number or a wedding reception. Isn’t that the same endings we had in late 80s-early 90s Filipino movies?
To compare, I watched my mom’s VCD of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, the original version. This was made during the 60s when racial discussions were tense and emotional. So this movie most likely raised a lot of eyebrows back then.
Knowing where they came from, they have to consciously make a serious movie out of it since that topic is no laughing matter back then. That’s why the current version has a lighter tone since things like these (except for the hardcore traditional Chinese, I think), aren’t a big deal anymore. Yes, they’re making a deal out of nothing and they produced a satire out of a non-issue, make fun of it, and base it on a well-made classic.
Other than that, they were breaking taboos left and right with the Sidney Poitier original. They met in Hawaii, and the next week, they were planning to get married. It doesn’t need a rocket scientist that the parents from both sides didn’t take this sitting down.
On the other hand, Ashton and his girlfriend were having a more ‘traditional’ long-term relationship and they were going to her parent’s place to ask for their approval. Do they still do that back in the States in current time? The last time I heard, Glen was getting married and he just the girl last February.
Actually, all of this was just an afterthought. But right out of the cinema, I gave it a flat-out 3.5 for the all-around humour, just in time to recall that Ashton Kutcher IS a comedian and was a product of That 70’s Show before he became Demi Moore’s new item.
What does Demi have that Amanda Peet, Ashton’s partner in It’s All About Love, doesn’t have?
Anyway, if you missed this, there’s still Jane Fonda out to make JLo’s life a miserable hell in Monster-in-Law. You might see some similar similarities.
Lasallian grading system: 3.5 out of a possible 4.0
Props: General humour and sports jokes and references.
Rants: Formulaic ‘family’ comedy right out of the Hollywood mass production factory. Willy Wonka’s chocolates in his factory must be better. Am waiting for it. Hmmm…
-----
Six
After the Ring, every other Asian thriller movie looked the same. They show the scary parts in trailers, killing half the suspense, then you have the resident long-haired lady in white either crawling using her long yellow nails as leverage or just standing there like a mannequin doing nothing but still elicits screams from the actors.
Since Six wasn’t that publicized and there was no other good movie in the SM Centerpoint cinemas, I gave this Thai thriller a chance. Although, I had to contend myself with some probable Buddhist beliefs and traditions that I may not reckon after seeing them light those thin red sticks. What do you call them again?
In the end, it’s less of a scary movie and more of a who-dunnit caper. It’s more like The Gwapings Adventure meets Bahay ni Lola. That is the most I could describe what it’s about without spilling the beans.
Now I couldn’t recall why I gave it a 3.0. Should have been lower given another case. I must be in the good mood back then. The ending just befuddled me. Thus, the low, and should be lower score.
Again, another thriller, that in trying its hard to have a decent story as foundation, made you think of how the sequence of events occurred instead of being scared out of your wits.
Lasallian grading system: 3.0 out of a possible 4.0
Props: Nothing in general. The scare factor wasn’t there, and I was watching this by myself, something I don’t usually do unless it’s on cable tv. The female lead looked nice though.
Rants: The ending that scared me, not because it was scary, but because it made my head bleed as to what and how it happened.
-----
Madagascar
It was 5-ish and I just missed the screening of Stars Wars Episode III, the primary reason why I was there. To pass the time, I contented myself with some Madagascar. But I had some reservations in seeing this.
Dreamworks’ previous animated release, Shark’s Tale, although good in general, scarred me. Kuya Ariel’s take on the movie wasn’t on the good side, especially its artistic aspect. He said, it’s okay to have references, but for the fish to actually look like the actors that voice them? It’s so… unreal. I respect him and I take his comments in high esteem since he’s an artist himself.
Now, you know where I got the apprehensions. Sorry, Kuya A.
I first saw its trailer before Shark’s Tale was screened so I know what I was getting into waaay before. Fortunately, the giraffe didn’t in any way look like David Schwimmer or Gloria the hippo doesn’t resemble Jada Pinkett-Smith. Hubby Will would complain.
Just like Shark’s Tale, its trailer had heavy airtime on tv, especially on kid channels. There were the penguins that intrigued me. Then there’s this dance tune that I used to hate that some lemurs are partying to. I had to give in to all the brainwash and propaganda.
In G4, they post the synopses of all the featured movies just in front of the ticket booth. So as to help me decide on what to watch (besides considering their screening time), I decided to give a peek. I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m knowing too much. Those who know me know how I could kill a person from a kilometer away who tries to spoil a movie I plan to see.
And just before I was about to enter Madagascar, the G4 cinema jock blared on what to expect from the animation. Uh, enough! Time to get in the theater!
That was a relief. Guess what the in-between screening music was. Fatboy Slim’s Bird of Prey and some other electronica music, a sign of good things.
A side comment, is it just me or does Dreamworks has its own OBB for its animated releases?
Since this followed up Shark’s Tale, I was expecting a lot. At the ticket booth, I read in the synopsis that it was Rock who voiced Marty the zebra. I was trying to figure out who the Rock they were referring to. They got The Rock to voice a cartoon character? That’s cool.
When the opening credits rolled, I found out it was Cris Rock. Silly me. If it was Dwayne Johnson, I should have heard a skit of The Hurricane making fun of The Rock voicing a zebra in an animated movie.
Rock, with his racial slurs of a repertoire, was unusually controlled this time around. The only and closest racial reference he had was when he asked loudly if he was a black with stripes or he was a white with black stripes. Oh yeah, I shouldn’t be giving away the punchlines. Punch me, please.
Going back to the penguins, they are what you might call the resident annoyingly cute characters. In Ice Age, they had the dodo bird and the reason why they became extinct and yes, the ‘doom on you’ chant. Then in Finding Nemo, they had this swallows that annoyed you with their ‘mine’ up to the point that you might actually end up screaming if you have weak a constitution. As for Shark’s Tale, I’m thinking, they are all pretty much annoying. Martin Scorcese’s blowfish might fit the role. He’s just there as color character for the shark mafia and the shark slayer’s “manager”.
The difference with the penguins though, is that they are annoyingly cute and annoyingly smart. They act as if they are out of out-of-place espionage movie. As they say in the teaser, it’s a ganged-up conspiracy. There lies the humour… and the irony. Who would have thought? And unlike the dodo birds and the swallows, they had airtime, lots of it. They are a centerpiece character and not just some one-time scene grabber. More like many-time scene stealers.
Now to that other annoying part, the I Like You to Move it song. I was quickly reminded on why I hated that song. Imagine this scenario. I was 12 years old, it was my first time to see a music video and that Chan girl was still a Channel [V] vj, back at a time when Channel [V] WAS or perceived to be MTV Asia.
And what visual and aural spectacle greeted my then not-so innocent eyes and ears? A black guy with a husky voice that keeps on saying he likes to move it with a matching video of a female belly gyrating. Yes, all the sexual innuendo was making me puke. If only I didn’t get to see the Counting Crows and Nirvana after that, I might have been traumatized for life.
But with Madagascar, they made me forgot why I hated that song in the first place. My belly was aching because I was forcing myself to stop laughing so that I could hear the dialogue.
Yes, there was humour left and right. I was in stitches. And it helped that I had a seatmate nearby that snickered at every scene. Maybe she knows more than I do.
Oh yeah, the story. There was nothing much to bank on, really, if you are after the fun factor. I mean with comedians Rock, Schwimmer, and Ben Stiller, what could go wrong? And Smith held her own, too. And oh yeah, Cedric the Entertainer was there also.
Anyway, it starts it out with Marty celebrating his tenth birthday, wanting to get more out of life, getting bored with the drab routine he has in the zoo. Rings a bell, actually.
When they did get to Madagascar, and I wouldn’t tell you how, the conflict shifts to Alex the lion’s primordial need for meat, which was literally served to him on a silver platter back in the zoo. And being the number one critic of Marty’s grand plan, he misses the good life back in New York. For a movie of laughs, it actually has a twist.
Speaking of Alex, were the creators of the movie watching some billiards lately? I mean Alex “The Lion” Pagulayan? Dosen’t ring a bell to you? Go watch the next World Pool Championships as he would defend the championship he won last year. Either that or they had Filipinos in the creative department? Or just plain coincidence? This needs confirmation. Ring me, anyone. Would gladly appreciate it.
Music, although canned, was splendid and witty. As par with the course, there are references everywhere. Did I see Tarzan and Lion King? I’m having too much fun to mind.
I just noticed this has become lengthy. I must have enjoyed it so much.
Went out of the cinema with ten minutes of Revenge of the Sith already gone. So was the time-killer for Episode III worth it? Yes, and much more. This is a touch act to follow. So brace yourselves, Star Wars, I’m going to your theater next.
Verdict (still using the grading system): 3.5
Props: The penguins did it. Plus the humour, too.
Rants: Light on story. Heavy on laughs, though (which isn’t exactly a rant).
-----
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
One-word comments I heard from satisfied fans: Good. Sith happens. Evil the Sith is.
Obviously, this revolves around Anakin Skywalker and his transition to Darth Vader and what the Sith has to do with it. For those who haven’t seen Episodes IV-VI, beware: spoilers abound. Hehehe…
I entered just in time to see Count Dukoo’s neck about to be turned to sisig. Must do some Star Wars flashback. Oh yeah, he was the Sith apprentice. But who is General Grevious? And why is Anakin buddy-buddy with the Chancellor? Did I miss that much during the ten minutes I was walking out of Madagascar and buying my Star Wars ticket?
I’m stumped, help me, please. Seriously. I don’t remember any Grevious from the second episode. All I remember is that the Republic had a war with Dukoo and his posse. So who is this robot with a respiratory problem not much different with Vader?
And why doesn’t the Republic Guard resemble each other if they are clones of Bobba Fett, or was it Bobba Fett Jr.?
That doesn’t matter anymore. Had to know how Anakin’s heel turn went. As presented in Episode II, Skywalker was trouble, confused, and arrogant. A ticking timebomb. A problem child. The Jedi’s Ron Artest. In short, a very volatile and unpredictable character. Combined with his untapped powers, they are potent ingredients to become a Darth Vader. But everybody knows that.
Now Lucas has to find a way that would allure Anakin to the Dark Side. Why kill, Amidala, of course. She has no roles to speak of in the next three episodes, anyway. It may sound simple and right out of the Hollywood must-have-conflicts-in-movies book.
But think of it this way. Anakin’s dilemma of saving his wife and being loyal to the Jedi is a level VI morality issue. Remember the problem of the poor man with the sick wife whose only cure is he has to steal the medicine from the drugstore because he couldn’t afford buying it? Would you stand by your principles even if it means someone dear to you would die because of your action… or inaction? I know I could put into good use what I learned in General Psychology.
That being said, George Lucas should pay me for trying to defend his lame plot conflict.
Now let’s go to the heel turn per se. As Mace Windu was about to be executioner to the Chancellor, Anakin does the all too familiar slash-to-the-wrist Jedi trick on Mace, and the next thing we see is Sidius giving Windu the electric chair.
All it took were a few one-line exchanges between Mace and Sidius on why he should or should not. After the Chancellor sends Samuel L. Jackson flying out of the room, we heard Hayden Christiansen blurting, “What have I done?” And all Ian McDormind replied was a reassuring, “You’re fulfilling your destiny.” The next thing we know Anakin is now rechristened as Darth Vader and kissing the Chancellor’s wrinkled toes.
Coming from someone who regularly watches WWE, Batista had a more developed transition going from resident Evolution bloke to World Heavyweight Champion. Now that I mentioned the Greek professional wrestler who has Filipino roots, Batista even delivers better lines than that. And he only has passable mic skills to speak of, pardon the pun.
That over and done with, Lucas now has to resolve Episode III and make sure of a smooth transition to A New Hope. Darth Vader has the asthma problem (if all your limbs get slashed and you get burned by lava in the process, who wouldn’t have trouble breathing afterwards?) and James Earl Jones’s baritone, check. The Death Star had a cameo, check. Chewbacca was properly introduced to the uninitiated. Organa, who now had lots of airtime and not just some faceless senator, gets to keep Leia, while Luke goes to Dune, este to Tatooine. Yoda goes on a long winter break while Obi Wan becomes a hermit with an imaginary dead Jedi Master in tow (Qui Gon ‘reincarnating’ is this episode’s plot twist akin to Luke and Leia finding out they were siblings in Episode VI. Genius, Lucas is, really).
End of story. Everybody goes home happy and relieved that they don’t have any loose ends to think about.
I understand Episode III ended in such a way, more like a resolution rather than a closure, because it is made to be that way, as mentioned above. Unlike Episode VI, which has a more definite and happy-ever-after conclusion. If watched chronologically, Sith is an able prequel to Star Wars 4.
Now that I’ve gone through the movie in chronological order, let’s nitpick it some more.
First of all, props goes to Lucas for ceasing his propensity of having an annoyingly un-cute character. Jar-jar Binks only had a cameo and didn’t have a dialogue! Yahoo! C3PO, although showing signs of his old IV-VI self, was toned down and contained. Finally, Lucas got it right on the last one.
For some strange reason, people hated Mace Windu in The Clone Wars. I surmise because he was trying to act much like a strict uncle to Anakin ‘disciplining’ him, thus the Padawan rebelling some more. In wrestling terms, he has become a tweener. He is a good guy, but he gets booed by the crowd.
Again, Lucas’ genius showed and might do good as a wrestling booker. As a fitting coup de grace, he gets killed by, who else but Anakin. This either swings the fans back to Jackson’s favour, or to those who really hate him say, “Good riddance.”
Your take on that one? As for me, no one disses Coach Carter and gets away with it. I dig Jackson, not Michael.
The Wookies, this episode’s Ewoks (I could go on with the parallelisms, really), were cute. But did I hear that right? A Wookie, who was swinging on a vine, did the Tarzan yell? Come on, Lucas. You could do better than that. You’re the franchise. You don’t do references. You get referenced… and spoofed. You just lost two respect points to me, which makes Scorcese overtake you on the number two slot in my all-time directors appreciation list.
Speaking of clichés, how many times have I heard someone scream a long, drawn “Noooo!” in this movie? How about in the whole series? Talk about ripping off yourself.
The scene transitions were still like out of a Powerpoint presentation, in tune with the others.
Is it just me or R2D2’s bleeps suddenly had ‘emotion’? I heard him whirring excitedly after going through the ride when the ship turned vertical before it was steadied back to its flight position. Then again when Anakin and Obi Wan tried to land the same ship.
I’m just going in random here…
Although the central characters here were the heels (Sidius and Vader), Yoda, although computer-generated most of the time, made sure his presence was still felt, especially during his fight scenes. But don’t those poses were a bit overdrawn this time? They were cute in Star Wars 2, but they were starting to appear like Erap or FPJ gaits after a round of punches with a gang of ten.
Speaking of swordfights, the Obi Wan-Anakin duel was one for the books, although anti-climactic. Then again, if Lucas made Obi Wan slash or pierce by then father Skywalker on the chest, how could we have a present-day Darth Vader? Besides, he himself claimed he couldn’t kill Anakin because he loves him. Eek, gay love. Hehehe…
I couldn’t keep up with all the ships used during the series. There’re the Wing Fighters, the X-Fighters, Y-Figthers. How about the one used in the opening sequence by Obi Wan and Anakin to penetrate Grevious’ fleeing ship?
Before I forget, got a continuity flaw to show you. Let us go back to the part when Mace was about to kill Sidius and they were on the window where it used to be. Windu just parried the Chancellor’s lightsaber away with the latter retreating to the corner and Mace’s saber pointed towards the neck of the Chancellor, having him pinned. Cut scene to Anakin entering the room, then cut scene back to a far shot of Mace approaching a frightened Chancellor. That just looked weird. Bad editing, Lucas.
Taken as a whole, this is more like the saga of two Jedis, and am not referring to the Skywalker family. Was mentioning Kenobi and Yoda. This basically tells the story of how the two Masters went wrong with one Skywalker and went right with the other one.
What I’m trying to say is that contrary to the general knowledge that this is a Skywalker six-ology, Obi Wan and Yoda should get top billing.
In a similar note, this is also where I believe Michael Crichton called it wrong with his Jurassic Park trilogy. He gave Grant, with his gung-ho Indiana Jones-like style lots of airtime, whereas relegating the more philosophical and witty Ian Malcolm, played by personal fave Jeff Goldblum, in the sidelight.
In the book, Grant barely survived or got killed, forgot which. On the other hand, Malcolm, getting high with the morphine injected to him, was talking about evolution going bad for about half a chapter. And he was doing most of the dialogue from there since everybody else that was pertinent to the story was dead, including the senile park director, which was shown leaving in a helicopter at the end of part one.
He did correct it in The Lost World, giving Goldblum the whole two hours while the kids and the park director get token appearances with nary a shadow from Grant. But what made it flop was it became a Godzilla rip-off when a real Hollywood Godzilla rip-off was on the works.
To finally correct his past mistakes, he again starred Grant in Park 3, which wasn’t based on any book he wrote, and was a total flop. A case of correcting a wrong with another wrong.
To end, I believe Yoda is a Lasallian. Put a smile on my face when Sidius referred to him as his “little green friend.” Guess who has the blue lightsaber: Anakin Skywalker.
PS, the spoiler of the century: moments after leaving the theater from Episode II, Oscar predicted that Sidius and the Chancellor was one and the same. His curt reply, “Obvious ba?”
Having this piece of information, I put it in the back of my mind. That was why I was all puzzled when the Jedis discovered that the Chancellor was Sidius. I was thinking in my head, “I thought they already knew and they were just waiting for the right time to entrap him?” Then came a reply from the same side of the brain, “Oh, it was just me who knew.”
Dumb.
Verdict: 3.5
Props: High grade out of respect for “the man”. A smooth resolution. Killer fight scenes. Splendid SFX. Yoda still rocks. And for all the other things he did right this time.
Rants: Bad editing, and ripping off everybody including himself.
-----
To follow:
Sin City
// posted by Unknown @ 22:07 
